You’re in the middle of a supermarket when your child starts screaming and crying uncontrollably and refuses to budge. Or you’re at home and the seemingly calm atmosphere suddenly turns into a stormy scene filled with tears, shouting, and even kicking. Yes, these are tantrums—something almost every parent of children aged one to five encounters.
Tantrums are a completely natural expression. At a certain age, a child still can’t put their feelings into words, so they use their body—by screaming, crying, or uncontrolled movements. Sometimes these emotional eruptions are so strong that parents wonder what they’re doing wrong and how to handle the situation.
Why children have tantrums
To manage a child’s anger, we need to understand where it comes from. Between the ages of one and three, a child is intensely developing their own identity and trying to assert their will. When they can’t, they get frustrated and react with a tantrum.
From an emotional perspective, anger is a very confusing feeling for a child. They don’t yet know what it means to be frustrated or overwhelmed, yet that’s exactly what they’re experiencing. They need help from those around them to figure out what they’re feeling and how to respond.
Another important aspect is physiological factors. Hunger, fatigue, or lack of sleep can play a crucial role. If your child explodes in anger at the same time each day, it’s most likely about these needs.
And last but not least, there are external causes of tantrums: boredom, feeling misunderstood by others, and a lack of attention.
How to spot the first signs of a tantrum and respond appropriately
It’s important not to wait until the anger erupts in full force. Watch your child. Some start to fidget, bite their lips, or clench their little fists even before the outburst. Identifying these signals and responding to them helps prevent a tantrum.
If a "warning signal" appears, try to respond empathetically. Calmly say something like, "I can see you don’t like having to wait—let’s wait together for a moment." This lets your child know you understand while also setting boundaries.
At the first signs of anger, it can also be helpful to change the activity for a moment or redirect the child’s attention elsewhere.
The most common mistakes parents make when managing children’s tantrums
Try to avoid getting swept up in anger yourself and starting to shout or threaten. That kind of reaction only strengthens a negative behavior pattern and triggers an even more intense outburst.
Another common mistake is giving in. Unfortunately, that teaches the child that a tantrum is an effective tool for reaching a goal.
Ignoring the tantrum is also not an appropriate solution. The child then feels alone, doesn’t understand their emotions, and doesn’t learn how to manage them.
The ideal response is consistency with kindness.
Staying calm and composed during children’s tantrums is one of the biggest challenges of parenting. Offer your child loving support while also setting clear boundaries. Help them develop emotional stability to make their next steps in life easier. We’re cheering you on!